Even as our children are reaping the advantages of the Internet, there is always the possibility that they will be exposed to the dangers of sexual exploitation. Predators (pedophiles) use the Internet to identify and cultivate children that are likely potential victims. Generally these individuals target a child and begin to seduce their prey in stages. It is their willingness to invest large amounts of time into the relationship and their patience that allows them to successfully seduce children, first with words and ideas, and then physically.

The predator begins by cultivating a relationship with the child - giving him/her attention that they may not feel they are getting at home. The predator will listen to your child, sympathize with complaints about family or friends or trouble at school, he will encourage your child to share any fears that your child may have and respond in ways that reinforce feelings of alienation. They will converse about music, hobbies and interests, and about your child's friends and enemies. During all of this time, the predator will attempt to carry the role that you, as family or friend, should be taking in the child's life, while encouraging your child's feelings that 'no one else understands me'. If there is some problem between child and parent, the pedophile will use that to his advantage - he will encourage the feeling that parent is wrong, no matter what the problem is. He will always be on the child�s side. He will put the parents down and may even tell him/her that he is the only one that really loves them for themselves.

As time progresses and the predator feels that the child is comfortable with him; he will start to be more affectionate, and will probably begin to give small gifts to the child. During this part of the grooming process, the predator will invest large amounts of time being available to the child and encouraging dependence on this relationship to the exclusion of other (offline) relationships. Keep in mind that thus far, the child still probably believes he is talking to a peer, or if he/she knows that it is an adult, he probably feels that this is a sympathetic "Uncle" type of friend. Children love to be taken seriously by adults, and this is one adult who will make your child feel very special.

As time (and the relationship) progresses, the predator may work to lower your child's natural inhibitions - asking innocent sounding questions at first - such as: "What are your favorite clothes?" and "When do you usually shower, morning or night?" By working questions such as these into conversations about busy schedules or shopping for the right clothes at the right shops. He introduces concepts that he can build on in the future and topics of conversation that can slowly evolve into "what are you wearing right now?" and "What do you sleep in?". Even a description of a child's favorite shirt or outfit can lead to a "I'd love to see a picture of you in that Chicago Bulls jersey!" type of request.

Progressing further into the relationship, sexual themes will begin to develop - with starting points as various as "Ewww my parents were having sex last night, and I HEARD them! Disgusting!" or "My friend brought a playboy to school yesterday and got caught with it!"...any way that they can think of to introduce sexual themes to the conversation.

The predator may at some point begin sending slightly 'naughty' pictures to the child, sometimes of other children, to further lower their resistance to what is commonly referred to as "Cybersex". Cybersex can be defined as sexual relationships using text and pictures as the stimuli, much like phone sex uses voice to arouse. During Cybersex, the predator will use words to explain what he would be doing if he were with your child, or what he IS doing while he talks to your child. During this verbal intercourse, the predator is often conducting a physical release for himself and telling your child how he feels while doing so. He may also tell your child what he wants him/her what to say back. He may ask the child to do things to his or her own body and tell him how it feels.)

Once the predator has built a relationship with your child, he has three avenues to choose from:

• If the child begins to back away (uncomfortable with the progression of the relationship) - the predator may try to use some form of blackmail to force the child to continue or to progress. He may request nude photographs of your child, and threaten to tell the parents about the relationship if the child refuses. If he already has photographs of the child, he may threaten to publish them or share them if the child doesn't agree to meet.
• If the child has successfully been drawn into a symbiotic relationship, the predator will usually try to arrange a meeting. Children often know that what they are doing is in some way "wrong", but the practiced pedophile can often overrule this feeling with massive amounts of affection and affirmation. It is important to remember that no matter what the child does, or even if he feels affection (love) for this predator, it is because he or she is, indeed, a child, and has been victimized by a very clever predator.
• Some children will put a stop to the relationship before it gets too dangerous. If your child has been approached by a predator, and even allowed some behaviors to go on that they knew were wrong, you want him to trust in you enough so that he/she can come to you and say "I made a mistake, and I'm frightened". It is important that we, as parents, make sure that our children understand that our love and care are not limited, and that they can come to us at any time, with any problem - and we will take care of them. No parent wants to hear that their child sent a nude picture of themselves to a stranger, or that they had Cybersex, but if we understand that they were victimized, we can help the child turn the situation around. Our children should not be blackmailed into doing further acts because they were afraid to tell us about what has already happened.

What to Do

Talk to your child and spend time with them while they are online. Explain the dangers that he/she might come across while on the Internet. Tell them about what could happen in a chat room. Tell your child that if he/she comes in contact with someone suspicious they should come to you about it. Reassure them that you are always there if they feel uncomfortable about something they are sent via email or in a chat room. Keep the lines of communication open to your child at all times.

Check the computer for any downloads from online sources or email. The child could have download pornography from email, chat room or instant messenger. These kind of downloads can be a warning sign that your child is in contact with a pedophile. If you do not know how to look for files read our online tutorials for instructions.

If you are getting phone calls from people that you don�t know, have caller ID put on your phone line. Find out about call blocking if you are receiving calls from people that you don't know. There are also devises you can purchase to show what numbers are being dialed from your home.

Keep the computer in a common room in the house. Use the parental controls that are supplied by your Internet server. This will make it more difficult for the offender to have access to your child if the monitor can be seen by anyone, and the parental controls will block most pornography.

Find out what other computers your child as access to. Check the safeguards that are on those computers. I.e. school, school library, public library and the child�s friends. The pedophile could get access through these computers if they do not utilize the computer safe guards.

Never blame your child if he/she is a willing participant in any form of sexual exploitation. The child is not at blame or fault he/she is the victim. The offender always bears the complete responsibility for his or her actions. The child is the victim and should be treated as such.

If you suspect that your child is being groomed by a pedophile, do not panic. Contact our for help.